Apr 28, 2009 @ 02:27|Comments (48)
i really want to confess a secret........
help..im getting married in 8 weeks to a great guy what he doesnt know is before i met him i was really broke,after returning from the uk,so i got a job as a escort,i done this for a couple of years to get cash , only stoped when we got together, really want to confess all but it could tear us apart,not alot men would like the idea that their girlfriend had sex for money, but i cant change my past no much how much id love to,its always going to hang over my head
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If he loves you, he'll understand, Im sure he did his bit of sleeping around too that you dont know about! Be upfront with each other, if you dont have trust, you aint got nothing girl!!
Don't tell him. He'll always have something to hold over your head in arguments later. No matter how great a relationship is, all couples have arguments and this is the sort of thing that he may hold over you in anger.
If its making you uncomfortable and making you worry bout it you should tell him cause it'll never be a proper relationship, be true to yourself. Good Luck.
if he said he doesnt want to know and its a fresh start then why are you even bothered you obviously want to tell him
It only matters where you are going not where you've been.
OK... here's the thing, will it matter in 5 years time? Will it make a difference to you if he doesn't know? What one doesn't know can't hurt them... but what has been heard or seen cannot be undone! I say, live with you past and so you can both live happily with your future together!
What happened in the end? If it's something you wanted to get off your chest to him, I hope you told him.
from a females point of view do not tell him. you are only telling him to take the burden and guilt off yourself. no good will come of this. everyone will find out. your family will turn their back on you and all their friends will find out. dont do this to him or your family.
dont confess as long as you havent caught any STD'S.A very rare guy would "say" hes ok with it, but no-one would would really want to know that his wife was a hooker.he loves you,thinks the world of you.leave it at that and have a happy life
I just joined this website and have been reading about your dilemma, I am sure you have handled it by now so I wish you the very best of luck for the future.Either way you made the right choice.(Think about that)
say nothing... its the past u did wat u had to do.....move on ......good luck
why do want to tell him if it's bound to hurt. theres a paradox there my dear in your love so is it love?
The longer u leave it the worse it will be just go for it if he really loves u he will understand. Good luck! x
The past is the past, believe it or not there's things in his past he'd rather not tell you either. So what? The past is irelevant in any relationship, you're both starting fresh in a new life together, whats important is what happens from now on. Keep your past where it belongs, in the past.... And congratulations on the wedding ;)
It's been your journey before you met... You can learn to forgive yourself ..your past and leave it there.. It ok you look to your past to learn and grow..but don't stare as it cannot be undone..wishing you every blessing for your future. Paul :-)
honesty is everything! sorry to hear that but you made the choice and he didnt so..... come clean , to have sext for money em thats a no no from a honest male side etc
haha
Well did you tell him?? The wedding must be over now???? Tell us.....:0
put yourself in his shoes. would you like him to tell you if he was ever an escort. or if you found by someone/accident. and you are married. "your not the one i married" speech. i think you did nothing wrong. you didnt rob or kill anyone. at least then u'll start the marriage with a clean slate.
eeeemmmmm Any chance of a bit of discount!
dont tell him, im a bloke and id rather live in the dark about it. Youve done him no wrong and you both deserve happiness so why complicate things with your past. it was before him, it doesnt matter but its a lot for a man to take. its make or break stuff.
i never told him, but i did say i had some stuff in my past , his answer was he didnt need to know about my past as it cant be changed,and that no matter it was i had a fresh start now,feel better , thanks for all the advice !!
imagine he find out wen ur married from some1 who recognises u and how awful that would be. ideally he never will, but you can never be certain. so its much better to come from u. scary i know, so best of luck
Ideally, you should have told him from the start. I mean a lasting relationship is based upon complete honesty and you obviously felt that this information was relationship destroying. Do you think that it's a good idea to keep it a secret. Do you think that it's going to go away. Imagine he found out after you got married. You can be pretty much guaranteed that the marriage is going to be seriously damaged. Also the people who are telling you not to tell him are probably women
This isn't fair to your boyfriend. Tell him and be honest.
do you think he needs to know what you did before him?? everybody makes mistakes,i say dont live in the past and look forward to getting married
I'm sorry but TELL HIM... I am a man and I agree with some of the men here. I would definitely want to know... Definitely... For loads of reasons... If he loves you he will get past it but you have to let him know... For both of you...
I've been through it, told by a girl I loved that she used to work. Not easy to take but it was in the past and I appreciated her openness. Id been with escorts myself so who was I to judge, but it cud make him look at you in a completely different light. So depends on your relationship and him as an individual. Id still say go for it, so he knows who you really are,if he can accept it over time it will make you stronger as a couple.
Man here. Yeah, I'd be pissed about it. I'd shout at you (what I'd really say would be full of expletives and hurtful - But you get the idea). After that, I'd calm down again. There'd be no question about it. I'd simply forget about it and then apologise to you for giving you such a hard time about it when you plucked up all the courage you had to tell me. This is just me. I say tell him. He'd appreciate your honesty moreso than anything else.
DONT tell him, just put it in the past. Im a man and I wouldnt want to know. If you love him then just look to the future and secure that.
Im a man- I say tell him. Yes it will be a shock, and he may be pissed. SO do it as sensitevely as you can. Ultimately he will realise that your past is your past and a seperate thing form who you are. if he loves you he will. And if you're marrying him dont you want to start that marriage from a position of truth rather than a buried lie?
If there is no way of him finding out dont tell him, if there is a chance someone could tell him, then you need to come clean. Always sounds better comin from you than someone else but if thats not a possibility..keep shtum :-)
Don't tell him. It's in the past. Leave it there.
do not tell him honey :) go to see a therapist and talk to them and do not tell him, imagine what you would feel like if he just walked out the door and left you, he may just take off on you. Look your past is in your past and he is in your future, its not like you carried on doing it through your relationship with him, listen take care of yourself and enjoy your wedding and the rest of your life with your hubbie :)
wats the big problem so wat u were a escort maybe he want u to stay at it during the resession. you never know maybe he was a rent boy as well so the 2 of you could work together
Jesus christ, DO NOT TELL HIM!! The above posts are right- men say don't tell him, women say tell him. Seeing as it is a MAN you are going to tell... it's a no-brainer! Guys have very fickle minds. Ignorance is bliss, so leave the bliss where it is!
dont tell him a thing, its ur life and ur business, what he doesnt know will never hurt him :D
Tell him!! I have the same background as you and I have told partners before about my history. If he loves you he will accept it. It may take a while for the shock to settle in.
DO. NOT. TELL. HIM. Are you nuts? Go and offload your guilt onto a therapist, and not your bloke.
tell him, wat if he finds out??? and if ye really luv each other ye will get thru it. do it b4 ye get married cause it will tear u apart if u dont and if u tell him after u are married he will prob be mad u didnt tell him b4 da weddin!
i think the last person got it WRONG. guys would say don't tell him and girls would say you have to come clean! it'll eat away at you until you do...
Well the answers dont help do they. My guess would be that those who say "tell him" are male and the others are female :) The truth is every person is different, and you are the one who knows him best and who knows best what the better option would be. If I was him I'd want to know. What a difference does it make now? He loves you (I assume) and he's here to take care of you now, and that's all that matters.
your past is history, you are happy and healthy, why ruin it. and besides, if he ever did find out, you can always, in your defense say ;do you realise how difficult it would be?'
Say nothing,,do you want cancellation cards out in the post...With regret we have called off the wedding because my darling Bride to Be used to sell her Booty?Dont say anything it will only stress both of you out and we all have our secrets...
you need to tell him, 8 weeks is enough time for him to come round, if he decides to. this is too big a secret to keep quiet, it'll come out eventually. he deserves to know before he marries you. then he can make an informed decision. if he finds out afterwards, its definitely over...
Don't tell him. You made a choice in the past for whatever reasons and you now have to live with the decision. Thats it.
the pressure is going to mount on you coming closer to the big day and then when your married. This isn't the first time you've been worried about this and so now your in a corner. What happens when you unexpectling bump into an ex punter!
Don't tell him!!! How could he possibly benefit from knowing? Why does he need to know. It's your past & yours only. You have no idea how he will react even thought he has no right to freak out - it's your business. Everyone has secrets & has the right to keep them. It will only hurt him & could result in the wedding being cancelled. Perhaps it's more about dealing with how you feel about your past. Telling him probably won't make much difference. Good luck
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